Bernadette Mac
In the Great Hall of the Pelican Palace, King Tonzi the Wunturm sits on the Oyster Throne.
His adviser Lord Wilkes stands beside him.
KT: Wilkes the Lady Ingrid doth maketh waves I fear we must unleash……the Hound.
LW: Ah sire, we had to let the Hound go. Indeed he was a mighty warrior but his grim manner and rusty bloodstained armour simply did not suit the new look and feel of the King’s Guard and the gaudy crest on his shield was totally non-compliant with all signage standards as prescribed by the Pelican Plan.
KT: Then unleash……..the Pitbull!
LW: Alas sire, the Pitbull has ridden out for Godsgarden with the Lord Trevor of the Lake People to investigate the prospect of recycling mullet scales into coats of armour for your armies.
KT: Then unleash….. the Dachshund!
LW: Majesty the Dachshund hath done his hamstring while refereeing a junior jousting tournament on the weekend.
KT: Gods man is there no one left to unleash!
LW: Sire our only options are the decidedly dodgy Cattle Dog or the Poodle. Now, while both acquitted themselves well in the Battle for the Bear Forests of Yurol, our media advisers have warned us that their deployment in this matter could cause a PR nightmare of Gardineresque proportions.
KT: You know Wilkes, sometimes it’s really shithouse being the King!
